Monday, March 06, 2006


Ross Bauckham reckons that, with all the talk of internet speeds in the countryside, this farmer near Taupo has solved the problem with his own version of rural Hotmail

By Ana Samways

A reader from Grey Lynn writes: "I went into Sounds Music store two weeks ago for the soundtrack to Brokeback Mountain but no, wasn't in yet, no indication from the disinterested and pimply youth behind the counter as to when it might be available. I then rang Sounds a week later - 'No, we don't have it in yet' - this despite the fact the movie had already opened. Another week later, I rang again and yes, it was finally available. A few days later, I went to buy the disc but no, they've sold out. Record stores need to realise they are not public spaces for pimply and unhelpful youth to listen at ear-splitting volume to the most foul and revolting imported hip-hop music the world has ever had the misfortune to be exposed to but are in fact a business, with customers, who they need to CATER TO!"

* * *

Easily inspired: Rugby's Waisake Sotutu buys bling on wheels ... "The Las Vegas wedding of All Black and former Blues and Auckland team-mate Carlos Spencer inspired Sotutu to bring the first ever Hummer limousine to Australasia," reads the story in Spasifik magazine. "I had hoped to go to Carlos' wedding myself," says Fiji international Sotutu, "but rugby commitments with the Yamaha team in Japan prevented me ... Charles Reichelmann, Filo Tiatia and Adrian Cashmore went and said how they were driven around in a bright yellow stretch Hummer Limo. I knew then I had to have one".

* * *

There's nothing like a good comeback. A one-liner that stops a room or an action that puts you firmly on the moral high ground. Here are a couple of great comebacks posted on a UK blog:

* I was seven, running around the garden, with a pointed stick, as you do when you're a kid. Suddenly my mum starts shouting from the kitchen: "If you keep running around with that stick, you'll poke your eye out, and what are you going to do then?" ... "I'll become a pirate mum!", I replied and continued running around with stick in hand.

* I was on an empty bus, going a couple of stops. I'm sat in a seat designated for the disabled or elderly, with a heavy bag of groceries. Two perfectly sprightly old pensioners get on and sit in the seat behind me and start slagging me off for sitting there banging on about me having no respect and bemoaning the youth of today. So, when I get to my stop, I purposefully turned round and scowled at them, proceeded to get off the bus dragging my leg behind me in the manner of an amputee. That shut them up ... And I kept it up all the way down the road, for authenticity.

* * *

Russian cosmonauts aim to set a record for golf's longest drive by hitting a ball with a gold-plated club from the International Space Station. The BBC reported the ball could stay in Earth's orbit for four years and travel millions of kilometres before burning up in the atmosphere.

The attempt is planned for a spacewalk this year. But Nasa must give its blessing first.

Some experts fear catastrophic damage to the station if the ball comes back and hits it. The way around this would be to hit it well out of the station's orbit.

Bill Alior, of America's Centre for Orbital and Re-entry Debris Studies, said: "The trick will be hitting the ball wearing a spacesuit."


Post a Comment

<< Home