Friday, March 24, 2006


Spotted in Taipei, Taiwan, by a reader while looking for margarine, this "I can't believe it's, 'I can't believe it's not butter"' butter.

By Ana Samways

A far North ratepayer offers this drivel from a report to the district development sub-committee of the Far North District Council from the community development manager as evidence of why people find dealing with their local council difficult. "Subject: Adoption of Far North local economic development strategy. The key component of the draft strategy (which will be circulated under a separate cover sheet) are the key initiatives that it includes. It should be noted that the key initiatives are not intended to represent a definitive list at this stage. One of the key intentions of the consultation that will be undertaken on the strategy is to identify additional initiatives that will form part of the final plan. That is, it is intended that consultation on the strategy will make a significant contribution to the quality of the final document. A separate report details the process that it is proposed to use to communicate and consult on the strategy."

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Deputy headteacher Sue Storer is suing her former school in Bristol for £1 million ($2.8 million) because she claims that, while two male colleagues were given brand new chairs, she was left with one that made a farting noise every time she sat down or moved. Claiming she never wants to teach again because of the stress her chair caused her, she explained to an employment tribunal: "It was very embarrassing to sit on. It was a regular joke that my chair would make these 'farting' sounds. I had to apologise that it was not me, it was my chair." Her former boss said that he expected "a deputy headteacher, who has the authority to run a school, to have the wit and initiative to sort it out." (Source:

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A smart mathematician with an irreverent sense of humour but little social skills thinks the man drought is a myth. "It's easy to verify that there is no man drought in New Zealand in the 20 to 49 age group. On men outnumber women 8761 to 4779. On the ratio is 31,868 to 15,808. On the Herald Connexions page the ratio is 133 to 129. Looks like two men for every woman. So if there is a surplus of women then where are they? Certainly not looking for men."

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Responding to Uncyclopedia's lampooning definition of Diocesan School for Girls in yesterday's Sideswipe, a former Dio girl would like to point out " ... Sass and Bide don't have a bikini range."


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