Thursday, April 27, 2006

Sideswipe

A reader named Guy was amused by this sign while going for a quiet drive in the English countryside.

By Ana Samways

Alex Chiu, inventor of the The Eternal Life Rings noted in Sideswipe yesterday, has another remarkable product available. The Gorgeous pill will make you "prettier and more beautiful every morning. You will gradually look PERFECT, even more gorgeous than supermodels", says Chiu's website. The pill is strong enough to change the shape of your facial bones, shrink your head size, make your eyes look beautiful. Here's the explanation on how it works: "The more beautiful a person is, the more superior that person's genes is. A superior person is more smart, more fun, more romantic, more flexible, and more productive. Just by looking at people's faces and you can tell who is romantic and who is dumb. If the blood circulation to the brain is poor, that person's facial expression will be ugly ... This pill, if used correctly, will stimulate all cells in your body forcing them to rebound and regroup themselves. The pill pulls your entire body together, increases Chi energy and circulation to all organs, and gets rid of Chi blockades around the body. The human body is very much like a sex balloon doll. The air is its Chi energy. Without enough air, the doll will look ugly because its body or its face will not be in the perfect shape. Just like humans. If a person has weak Chi flow, he will look ugly because his body or his face won't look perfect."

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There's an easier way to relieve Auckland's traffic congestion (and save fuel gas and time behind the wheel). A bloke called Brandon Hansen has written an article on omninerd.com saying minor tweaks to departure times can significantly decrease commuting time. After collecting an impressive amount of data for over a year and analysing the results, he reduced his personal driving time by 30 hours a year. In an example of tell-us-something-we-don't-know, he found the most consistent explanation for morning commute variations was whether schools were in session. And that instead of leaving home at 8am and leaving work at 5:30pm, he could save the most time by changing that to 8:30am and 6pm. Now there's a good idea.

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